


sanguine

by ccandycait



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M, Nurse!Seonghwa, Park Seonghwa is Whipped, dont really know the outcome so i dont have many tags yet, hongjoong has leukemia, hongjoong is optimistic, hospital au, patient!hongjoong, rated g for now but might go up, seonghwa worries a lot, seongjoong, soft hongjoong, sweet seonghwa, theyre trying their best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:34:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ccandycait/pseuds/ccandycait
Summary: One time, Hongjoong had glanced at Seonghwa with a bright smile on his pale face, and told him,‘You make me happy, Seonghwa-ssi. I’m glad you spend your time with me like this.’Seonghwa thought about that moment a lot. The way his heart had raced a bit at those words, how his face had gone a light pink color, and the way he had stuttered over his words always brought up the past feeling of embarrassment... but he didn’t mind.That was one of his favorite moments.----------------------------------------Seonghwa is a nurse and Hongjoong is a recurring patient.Hongjoong is optimistic. Seonghwa worries too much.----------------------------------------i know it’s been awhile. i’ll update soon.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	sanguine

**Author's Note:**

> okay i tried my best to do research on CLL but it honestly didn't help much and i KNOW some things arent going to be accurate so im very very sorry for inaccuracy but im afraid the internet didnt help me much. i had a hard time deciding what to diagnose joong with and i didnt want it to be like cancer you know...
> 
> anyways, i tried my best. thanks for checking this out and ill see you at the end ;;

Nurse Park Seonghwa was conversing with Jeong Yunho, one of the hospital pharmacists, when he was caught off guard for the second time that day. 

“Hyung!” Yunho had exclaimed when Seonghwa had slipped into the hospital’s pharmacy, looking up from the prescription that he had been filling moments ago. 

“Hi, Yunho,” Seonghwa greeted with a wry smile. He sat down in one of the chairs besides Yunho’s pristine, white table and rested his hands in his lap. 

“I’m sure you heard the news about Hongjoong-hyung?” Yunho hummed, swiping spare pills back into their container and capping the small orange bottle. 

Seonghwa nodded. He had actually come in during his free time to talk to Yunho about said situation. “Of course; Dr. Kim found it necessary for me to be one of the first ones to know...” 

Kim Hongjoong was back for his third time this year, not counting his monthly treatments for his chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Chronic meaning it was slow-going, taking its time to gradually worm its way into Hongjoong’s body and hurt him from the inside-out. Patients who were diagnosed with CLL were normally older-aged individuals, but... Kim Hongjoong, age twenty-one, seemed to be one of those unlucky few who life did not favor. 

The patient normally had monthly treatments lasting a little while to where Hongjoong would spend time at the hospital solely for said treatments – but once again, it’s flared up and landed him back in the hospital for reasons other than being treated. 

During this time, Seonghwa’s gotten pretty close to the patient. Seonghwa had been a nurse at this hospital ever since Hongjoong had first been admitted last year. He had been assigned as Hongjoong’s primary nurse with Yeosang being his secondary when Seonghwa wasn’t working. 

To say that Seonghwa and Hongjoong got along well would be an understatement. 

They did more than get along. They had just... bonded right off the bat. Hongjoong’s hopeful, determined personality had rubbed off on Seonghwa’s sweet and anxious attitude. Seonghwa was used to the nurses around the hospital being positive – especially the female ones – but for a patient to be this hopeful and determined to be cured? For a patient to be so sure that he would be alright? 

It was nice to believe. 

Hongjoong also seemed to benefit from Seonghwa’s own personality. The nurse constantly reminded him that he needed to take his medicine or that he needed to calm down before treatment started. They made easy conversation and bounced off of each other on topics that were related to their own lives. 

One time, Hongjoong had glanced at Seonghwa with a bright smile on his pale face, and told him, 

_‘You make me happy, Seonghwa-ssi. I’m glad you spend your time with me like this.’_

Seonghwa thought about that moment a lot. The way his heart had raced a bit at those words, how his face had gone a light pink color, and the way he had stuttered over his words always brought up the past feeling of embarrassment... but he didn’t mind. 

That was one of his favorite moments. 

“I’m worried for him,” Seonghwa hummed quietly, crossing one leg over the other and resting his chin in his hand, elbow on his knee. “I think this is a bit... excessive. I mean, he’s only supposed to be on monthly treatments, but his situation just keeps getting worse...” 

“Have you visited him?” Came Yunho’s question. 

“...No.” 

“You need to. It’s almost been a week.” 

Yunho slid the prescription bottle across the counter to the front where they were distributed, then walked over to Seonghwa’s side and clapped him gently on the shoulder. “We all know you’re worried the most, hyung,” Yunho mused, a thoughtful look forming his expression. “Because you two are close, but also because you worry a lot in general. Yeosangie said that when you heard the news, you had gone a little pale.” 

Leave it to Yeosang to spill all his gossip, of course. “It’s only because we thought it would progress a lot slower than this, but it seems to get worse by the month...” 

Yunho was silent at this, biting his lower lip for a moment before taking a seat next to Seonghwa. “Yeah, I know,” he answered. “But like Hongjoong-hyung said, you should be hopeful. You don’t have to match his positivity, but worrying and fretting over him is just going to make the both of you a little more, ah, anxious? Just don’t try to bring down his mood when he’s obviously trying his best to be happy even in a negative situation.” 

Seonghwa knew Yunho was right. He didn’t _like_ that he was right, but he was right. There was absolutely no reason to bring down Hongjoong’s mood with all his worrying and seeing the worse side of things. 

“Yeah, I know, I just -” 

Seonghwa was about to continue, sighing in exasperation, but a knock at the door had both employees glancing up towards the side entrance.  
Nurse Myoui was peeking in with soft eyes, then seemed unsurprised when her gaze landed on Seonghwa sitting next to Yunho. It wasn’t uncommon to find Seonghwa talking to either Yeosang or Yunho in his off time, so the pharmacy was usually the first place checked, then the lobby for Yeosang’s location. 

“It’s time to give Kim Hongjoong his medicine, Seonghwa-ssi,” Nurse Myoui rattled off, smiling gently in the two boys’ direction. 

“Right. Thanks, noona.” 

The girl nodded gently before backing out of the pharmacy, and Seonghwa glanced over to Yunho with a knowing look. “I suppose it’s time to visit him.” 

“I told you that you were going to have to at some point.” 

“Shut up.” 

Yunho grinned. “You know you want to.” 

He wasn’t wrong. 

A bottle of prednisone was handed off to Seonghwa by Yunho, who sighed as he exited the pharmacy room and made his way to the second floor of the hospital where the patients with chronic illnesses were held. 

He padded slowly down the hallway, greeting patients who were on slow walks to get out of their room for a bit, whether they used wheelchairs or canes or walkers. 

Seonghwa glanced at one of the patients in a wheelchair and imagined a vision of Hongjoong so weak and frail that he had to use one. He pictured the boy’s expression being a mix of lost hope and dejection, and Seonghwa had to shake that image out of his head. 

He’s only ever seen Hongjoong look lost once, and it was in the middle of the night a few months back. Seonghwa had fallen asleep in one of the visiting chairs that he had pushed up to rest next to the patient’s bed while accompanying Hongjoong. None of the nurses had wanted to wake him up that night and found it harmless to just allow him to sleep there for the night even though it technically wasn’t really allowed. 

He remembered waking up to his hand being squeezed pretty tightly. He had looked up with a stupidly groggy expression on his face, half-awake but still conscious enough to make out a scrunched up, teary-eyed Hongjoong looking down at him. 

_‘Seonghwa, I’m so tired.’_

_‘I know.’_

Those were the only words exchanged that night. Seonghwa had sat on the edge of the bed and held a frail Hongjoong in his arms, coaxing the boy to sleep and not waking him up until Seonghwa had to leave to clock in for his shift the next morning. 

He never wanted to see that Hongjoong again. 

Seonghwa shook his head again, glancing up at the room numbers and finding himself right in front of the patient’s door, right as he was clearing his thoughts. 

Room number 408. 

He expected Hongjoong to be asleep from the previous restless night, knowing that the younger hadn’t slept well at all. Yeosang had made the report to him earlier, having visited him the day before to greet him and take care of him since Seonghwa was busy. Yet, Seonghwa was met with the sight of a pale, frail Hongjoong sitting up in his bed and directed an unfocused gaze out of the window that was mounted on the wall to his right. 

“Hongjoong-ah?” He asked quietly, ducking into the room and closing the door carefully. 

Hongjoong didn’t jump, really, but Seonghwa could see the moment where he registered the voice by the way his eyes shifted. He turned, and when he lay his gaze on Seonghwa, his vacant gaze seemed to lighten up by a considerable amount. 

“Seonghwa! Ah, you’re here after all. I thought you would’ve never come to see me. ~ I’ve only seen Nurse Kang for the past few days.” 

The joy in Hongjoong’s slightly-quieter tone had Seonghwa feeling a pang of guilt. It was true; he may have been avoiding the younger’s room for the better part of the week, ever since Hongjoong had come back... 

In actuality, it was all because of the fact that Seonghwa was nervous. He was anxious about Hongjoong’s condition. 

When Yeosang told Seonghwa that Hongjoong seemed weaker than he had before, Seonghwa had grown worried. 

He didn’t want to walk into the room this time and see Hongjoong in that glorified state; skinny, tired, quiet... _weak_. 

He liked the bright, optimistic Hongjoong. 

The Hongjoong that talks about musical projects he’s worked on, the one who’s always asking Seonghwa for a pen and paper, or even markers or color pencils. Seonghwa learned over time that Hongjoong liked to write and compose music and had a ton of stuff on his laptop at home. Hongjoong always promised that when he was healthy enough, he would let Seonghwa listen to anything and everything he’s made. Seonghwa agreed, too, and said that he couldn’t wait despite the both of them knowing that chronic illnesses are rarely cured with treatment alone. 

They never talked about it. 

Seonghwa didn’t know what it was about Hongjoong. He just... liked talking to him, and Hongjoong seemed to feel the same way. He and Seonghwa could talk about nothing and everything. They got along well. 

In quieter moments, when they were simply in each other’s presence when  
Seonghwa was on break or off the clock and he would sit with Hongjoong... Hongjoong would simply thank Seonghwa and say how grateful he was that he was transferred to the hospital where Seonghwa worked. 

_“I like you a lot,” he would say, fiddling with the ends of the hospital sheets and glancing at Seonghwa with a soft, sad smile. It didn’t need to be explicitly said aloud, but they both knew that Seonghwa knew what the implications of those words were._

_“I like you a lot, too, Joong-ah,” Seonghwa would reply, returning Hongjoong’s gaze before eventually breaking their eye contact and looking out the window because he was a coward who couldn’t handle feelings._

Seonghwa shook his head out of his thoughts once again _(something he seemed to be doing a lot that day)_ and set the medication along with a bottle of water onto the tray on Hongjoong’s bedside table. 

“Yeah, I’ve...” Seonghwa realized that he wasn’t able to find a good excuse and sighed. “Yeah, I’ve been a little out of it lately, I guess. But they sent me with your medication today, and I worked the early shift today...” 

“Oh, so you’ll come talk with me later?” Hongjoong quipped, his head turning in the nurse’s direction once more. 

Seonghwa shifted to return Hongjoong’s hopeful gaze in faded brown hues and felt a pang of affection in his chest. 

Even though he knew he shouldn’t, Seonghwa couldn’t help but smile as he affirmed Hongjoong’s curious tone. “Yeah, I’ll come before visiting hours are over. Not for long, though. You need to sleep. Yeosang told me that you had trouble last night. You might even fall asleep before I come see you.” 

“Yeah, well... It was restless,” Hongjoong admitted, leaning back against his pillows and relaxing considerably. “But I’ll be okay tonight as long as you come visit me. I won’t be asleep, just watch.” 

Seonghwa scoffed playfully, sticking his hands in his pockets. Leave it up to Kim Hongjoong to be sick and exhausted but still have that twinkle of mirth in his eyes. 

“Now hand me my notebook over there, and the pencil.” 

“Alright, alright,” Seonghwa relented, doing as Hongjoong had asked and carefully setting the supplies down into the younger’s lap. He knew that when Hongjoong had inspiration for lyrics or drawings or literally anything, he always wanted to write it down immediately so that it wouldn’t be forgotten later. It was pretty admirable, in Seonghwa’s eyes, the way he got inspired by the smallest things. 

Just something else that was part of Hongjoong’s colorful and creative mind. 

“I would stay and talk to you a bit, get updated, but I’m still on the clock and I’m sure Doctor Kim is going to want me to spend my time more productively.” Seonghwa flashed a half-guilty smile and gestured vaguely towards the door. “I’ll see you later, okay Joong-ah?” 

“Later ~” Hongjoong sang back in a soft tone, lifting his hand in a salute and looking considerably lighter than he had when Seonghwa had first arrived. “I meant it, Seonghwa. You better.” 

Seonghwa laughed and mirrored the saluting motion before stepping out of Hongjoong’s room. Once outside, he felt his smile fade a bit as that pang resonated in his chest again. 

He was so, so worried.  
But like Yunho said... he couldn’t spend all of his time worrying about Hongjoong when he had other things to do. 

His previous claim had seemed to proven true, however. Once the day was over, Seonghwa did keep his promise and had attempted to make a stop at the younger’s room. After changing out of his scrubs for the day, Seonghwa made it back to Hongjoong’s hallway and padded down to the second-to-last door on the left. 408. Though, when he looked through the small window that was above the door knob, he could see Hongjoong dozing with his notebook in his lap and pencil weaved between his fingers. 

Seonghwa would never admit it aloud, but Hongjoong just looked so... cute that way. Peaceful, relaxed. Sweet. 

Seonghwa sighed a bit in relief before gently opening the door and slipping inside. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to spend time with Hongjoong – he had actually missed the patient in the time he had been gone more than he wanted to admit. But today... something about today was just making him so anxious and he didn’t want to project that onto Hongjoong. 

Not right now. 

He was way too worried for him and he didn’t want Hongjoong to realize just how worried he was. Later would be fine... He just needed to get over this initial, gross feeling. 

The notebook was gently removed from the patient’s lap and set on the bedside table, as well as the pencil that Hongjoong still held weakly in his hand. He could see near-illegible scribbles on the notepad, a language by Kim Hongjoong that only Kim Hongjoong could read.  
And Park Seonghwa, sometimes. 

The nurse pulled the covers up to Hongjoong’s chest and pulled the curtains closed to hide the six pm sunlight. He had a feeling that Hongjoong would be sleeping all night. Or, at least, he hoped he would. 

He seemed exhausted... no way was Seonghwa waking him up. 

Seonghwa dimmed the overhead lights but still left them glowing dully so that if Hongjoong woke up, he wouldn’t be caught off guard and confused. Though, as an afterthought, he decided to at least leave Hongjoong a note so that he wouldn’t be upset about missing Seonghwa. 

Seonghwa knew he’d be a little down, but he’d be here first thing in the morning. 

_‘You were asleep when I came to visit you and no way in hell was I waking you up. I’ll come see you in the morning. I don’t work tomorrow so don’t worry about it._

_\- Hwa_

**Author's Note:**

> hope that was okay for first chapter -- it's more descriptive than what i usually write and im trying to get better.  
> follow me/hmu on twitter @yeoncafes ! ill probably follow back <3  
> thank you guys! comments appreciated!


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